I finally found my pace.
I let go of the pressure and the anger. I accepted that I am who I am and I don’t need their approval to be authentic. I found my peace, my routine, my flow.
But I only know how to be my best version when I’m away from you. Just the thought of you makes me cringe. I don’t want you to be part of my life anymore.
All you do is hurt me, with your words and promises. Telling me I’m your priority when I’m not. Saying that all you do is to make me happy, when you don’t even know what makes me happy.
Here is what’s going on, I broke free from you, because we’re not physically in the same space. That allowed me to grow and to learn things by myself, even if it hurt not having you teach me the basic things.
I don’t want to prove myself to you anymore, I don’t want to talk, or hear what you have to say. Just do your thing, there are millions of people that consider you family and have that relationship dynamic with you in a way I never had.
And even though we’re blood, if there’s anything I learned from blood is that it doesn’t really mean anything.
This is a very harsh venting session, but I need to put it out there.
coffeeteathecapital said: What if time isn't on ur side?
Time is always on your side. All you have is now, and now is eternal. Whatever you want it to be. If you think too much ahead you won’t live at all and it will seem like there’s no time. Time is nothing but perception, don’t let it limit you.
If you close your eyes when you’re in the ocean water waiting for the wave to come, there is a feeling of helplessness and anxiety. You don’t know when the wave is coming, you can hear it approaching but you just don’t know. A mini panic attack comes through your body, the anticipation is killing you softly.
Don’t think about the wave, just breath and feel the sun.
When you least expect it the wave is gonna come crashing and instead of drowning you will be lifted higher with the wave.
And that’s how you live life. No expectations, no thinking of what is going to happen or when the wave is coming. You stop, breathe, and live the eternal moment that is now.
Don’t limit yourself, just enjoy your existence.
My soundcloud has 9 new covers, check it out :) Hope you like it.
This is House by the Sea by Moddi.
I just watched the movie Disconnect by Henry Alex Rubin, and it touched me like I haven’t been touched in a while.
This is my initial response to the film, I just felt like I needed to write something.
This film follows three families and their interactions with the internet. To summarize as much as I can, it shows how each character puts themselves in dangerous situations online just because they’re looking for some type of connection.
Throughout the film you see people that don’t talk, friends that only hangout in the surface and people dying to connect with each other. The crave to connect is so grand, these characters put themselves at risk of the trap that online ‘connection’ appeals to give.
Watching this film automatically puts you as an observer, and you just see how broken everyone is. What we want is simple, we want to share and receive. Because that makes us feel less broken, we find a spark by similarities with each other.
Heck, maybe that’s why I’m writing on my tumblr instead of talking to my parents, instead of approaching those I call friends because I’m afraid they won’t want to talk about those things or find me to be very broken. Which I am, we all are.
It’s so ironic how I’m writing this here, how i always write here. Unfortunately it takes something horrible to bring us back to reality, to make us realize that money, power, religion, careers—you name it— are not important.
It all comes down to that moment when you truly connect with someone, when you have the best conversation or when you are able to experience a beautiful sunset next to someone that appreciates it just as much as you. I don’t really know, some people call it friendship, some call it family.
All I know is that the happiest I’ve been was after remarkable conversations where I felt as human as I could, as I told and heard someone else’s story.
Another Original song :) This one I wrote and recorded today. Hope you like it!
New original song up on soundcloud :)
In the past three months I have been the best version of myself. It is incredible how setting and energies affect our beings. I don’t know myself well enough to control or properly react to negativity, but the time I’ve been here I noticed how I can be better as a person.
I have so much to work on, but I’m so happy where I am heading.
Overcoming fears, dealing with my demons. I am as free as the wind, and I will enjoy every emotion, phase and period that might come my way.
Because there is a time to be sad, and I am glad I took the time to feel it, really understand the darkness I was going through. Now it’s time to let go of everything that held me back.
I am finally starting to see the waves that come and go, now I appreciate them.
I am able to find peace in little precious moments and enjoy people’s company as long as they are a present part of my life.
I don’t need to try to be someone I am not, I don’t need to look at the mirror and waste time thinking of how I could be more attractive, or funny or try to come up with the best sarcastic lines.
I can just be. I am enough.