Looking through Dorothea Lange photographs I am so inspired, she achieves in her portraits, the beauty of the reality and the harshness of the human condition.
Nowadays I think, it must be nearly impossible to capture such authenticity out of people. We’re so stimulated by media and the self-centered generation, that people don’t let their guard down.
You show up with a camera and they already have their ‘pose’ ready.
I’m sorry world.
Sorry that I’ve been hurt, sorry that I chose not to believe in relationships. Pardon me for wanting to stay away from the pressure of being part of someone’s life.
Sorry because I don’t wanna represent what I was asked to represent without having a choice. I’m sorry I don’t feel it, sorry I couldn’t be what others expected me to be.
I’m sorry I got tired of trying. Pardon me for not letting people close enough to hurt me.
I’m sorry I have an intuition voice that’s always right, sorry I’m not a good friend. I never learned how to, I don’t know what to do. Pardon me for not getting close enough to people so I wouldn’t hurt them.
Sorry that I’m selfish, that everyone is selfish. I’m sorry I don’t wanna put on the effort. I’m sorry I’m not good enough, sorry you’re not good enough.
Pardon me for disappearing. I’m sorry I have issues. Sorry I prefer to smile through short memories instead of long term commitments. I’m sorry I am difficult.
But guess what?
You don’t have to expect anything from me, you have the opportunity to go and do your thing. I’m not a project you can take on. You’re not gonna make me see how I can have friends and create roots. You weren’t there with me when I went through hell.
I’m not alone, but I’m not rooted. That used to bother me, maybe it still does, but I’m better off this way.
Done with venting.
I sold my camera, and as I forget to charge my GoPro, I’ll write a little bit more.
The smell of spring, the energy of a content heart. Nothing beats it. Finding joy in walking and feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin. I breath gratitude. It’s amazing to be alive, and I took that for granted for far too long.
It has been a rough couple of years, full of questioning and loneliness. Nothing has changed, except the way I see things. I didn’t realize till today. I had a conversation with a couple of people that recognized me at a cafe. They said, “You’re straight from Brazil right? Wow, you’re crazy, I could never do that! What if it doesn’t work? What if everything you left behind is for nothing?”
Normally, these questions haunt me, but hearing them today made me think, how could I give such questions all of my time? I can’t worry about what doesn’t exist.
I had peaceful words as an answer. I said, “I don’t worry about that, all I know is that I’m following my passion, and if it doesn’t work I can always sell coconut water at a Brazilian beach.” They smiled.
"I wish I was like that, I guess I want…"
I interrupted him.
We stared at each other. I didn’t want to enforce my ideas on him, so I stood there in silence.
I think it’s so interesting how we always want to control, control, control. When our own life is a miracle completely out of our hands. By trying to control what doesn’t exist (the future) you limit yourself. Now, I’m not being an extremist here, having long-term life goals is definitely something I believe.
If only we took the time to balance things, to have plans but to live the present. Because if we don’t live the now, we’re not living at all.
I said, “Well, I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Sometimes I write about movies here.
I saw Noah yesterday. Many people have been disappointed with Darren Aronofsky’s take on this famous tale. Now, if the viewer bases his or her expectations of the movie off of the Bible they will not be happy.
But here is what I enjoyed about the film, it’s not about the Bible, or the accuracy with the story’s facts. It’s about wickedness vs. innocence, about the way humanity deals with the divine. It’s a humanized take on Noah.
I really found interesting how God is portrayed as being there but not really being present. He speaks to Noah, yet he doesn’t do it in a clear obvious way. The divine is always silent. The film goes through the way humans deal with that silence.
The family dynamics were really well portrayed. It points at the tension of following the divine’s command even when it requires sacrifices. Noah, in the film, really felt he was doing what the divine wanted. It broke him, it broke his family, the sacrifice was too great.
It leaves room for some great questions about the sacerdotal intermediaries and their roles as being humans used by and in ‘communication’ with the divine.
Finally at the end Noah understands that the divine put in his hands a choice, and he chose love. Another fascinating idea of the divine wanting to destroy everything by making it new and Noah trying to understand his role in the big picture.
I don’t think ‘I liked or I disliked’ are words ever to be used as describing a film.
I really enjoyed the concepts Darren Aronofsky explored in this famous story, it’s definitely worth spending some time pondering on it.
Anonymous asked: Hey kelanie! Well, i wanted to ask you about studies in cinematography, i always wanted to go to a college of cinema because i like it so much. Can you tell me what is it like?
Hey Anon! Yes, I’m in film school right now, in Riverside CA. I really enjoy studying film, I think there are pros and cons about actually getting a degree in film. Especially depending on what field you wanna go into.
Film school definitely allows you to play with different equipment and to network. Networking is key, so at the end of the day it’s good to study what you love.
It’s not the way you look at me, or the words you say.
It’s not your appearance or how many assets you have.
It’s the way you see life, and the way you smile beyond this corrupted world.
It’s when you touch my shoulder, and the sound of your voice makes me tremble.
My very first cinematography reel. I still have a lot to learn, I’m excited for future projects.
As the time to say goodbye comes closer and closer, I realized something:
I want to hold on.
I want to pause time and enjoy the company, the surrounding, the good.
I’ve been so focused on what made me unhappy, on my worries that now are gone because of my future absence. Leaving opened my eyes to the beautiful, the simple.
Cats on the moon, they’re looking out for you.
I want to hold on, never let go the amazing people I met.
Unfortunately distance will do its thing, and these will be memories I will keep in my heart.
Sometimes things get overwhelming.
I’ve seen it happen over and over again, it’s like my life became a cycle, a very predictable one.
It seems as I want to make it known that I’m not ok, that I’m tired of pretending or tired of fighting my battles, so I make sure people know.
And when I’m around that energy- which I bring- I want to talk about it and express my anger towards not having control.
I forget that I need to step back in solitude, take a deep breath and tell myself that I’m not in control and that’s great. That I’m a river that’s is flowing into the ocean, I’m part of something bigger than I could ever imagine.
Well I disappeared for two days, in solitude I’ve been with my demons and I looked them in the eye, I’m the only one who can do so.
I know I can’t rely on people, I have to appreciate their time and the moments I spend with them, but they’re not reliable.
The only constant thing in life is change.
Have I not been through enough to understand this? I need to embrace it. To embrace change.
fingersonmyhands asked: recently stumbled upon your music and your pictures and life has been a little happier since. love it
Really appreciate it!
just chorus of a song for tumblr.